RR #2

"Bros Before Hos": The Guy Code" written by sociologist Micheal Kimmel, investigates the values, rites, and preoccupations of what it means to be a man. Kimmel focuses on young men between the ages of sixteen to twenty six, Kimmel starts off by asking the young men what they think it means to be a man, and the answers he gets are really predictable. Kimmel then goes into explaining the ideals of masculinity in America, the pressure that is put onto boys at a young age and the constant efforts it takes to maintain a manly front. The fear of being called "gay" along with the sense of homosexuality and homophobia is what drives many young men to do anything to prove they are toughed and a real man.

Kimmel has traveled to countless colleges and work shoppes around the country asking women what it means to be a woman and asking men what it means to be a man. The response that he got from men go as; donut cry, never show you feelings, take it like a man, and my personal favorite nice guys don't finish last. Kimmel states " all these aphorisms involves never showing emotions or admitting to weakness"(609).  Not showing emotion or always being in control and all rules to being masculine. There has been four rules summarized by a social psychologist Robert Brannon in 1976, No sissy stuff, Be a success, Be reliable in a crisis, and Give'em Hell. There have been multiple studies on these four rules and very little has changed among successive generations of high school and college men.

Kimmel researches the history of the idea of masculinity in America, what he found was that men don't want to impress woman or have an inner drive but the want to be positively evaluated by other men. Other men want to be seen as a "manly man " not a woman's man, they want to be seen as a tough strong man not a feminine man. The development of these ideas as Kimmel point out are from "Other guys constantly watch how well we preform. Our peers are a kind of "gender police", always waiting for us to screw up.."(612). We stay on one side of the fence, the side that keeps us defined as a man defined as masculine. Its the fear of taking one step over the fence and having our manhood taken away its the fear of being labeled as faggot or a wuss. To not conform to the image portrayed by being a man could result in the lose of your manhood, you risk loosing everything and maybe even yourself.

The psychological development of being a man starts early, its a constant test. Boys learn at an early age that their connection to their mother will turn them into a mama's boy and in a result they start to suppress emotions and create distance with suppressing emotions. Even starting school teaches young boys to be tough Kimmel states the messages boys get "Stand on your own two feet! Don't cry! Don't be a sissy!" and Kimmel even quotes a nine-year old "I think it means acting tougher than you actually are"(616). Even at an early age the "boy code" effects young boys and how they are disconnected from emotions. Eventually that code turns into the "guy code" and as they grow older they feel disconnected.

Kimmel's approach to how being a man is a naturally influenced decision and not a biological influence is something i strongly agree with. No boy is born as a distant unemotional child, but he is taught to act how a man acts. When i was young my father taught me to deal with my problems on my own. I have one major memory growing up,i was about the age of seven and i was crying about something and the only thing my father said to me was how crying doesn't solve my problems only doing something about it does. To this day what he said sticks with me and as i get older i see how i am more like him everyday, i don't talk about my emotions and i confront my problems and most of all i haven't  cried since that day my father talked to me. Part of this is because i fear i wont be seen as a man in the eyes of my peers, its a constant though going through the back of my mind " is this manly?" But times are changing slowly.